Pass Thru [2016]

[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]

In the last review of a Neil Breen movie, "I Am Here.... Now," Neil played an alien assessing the humans to seem if they were worth keeping around and decided to give them one more chance. Apparently, he changed his mind. Also, my assessment that this movie would improve upon the Breen formula was wrong as "Fateful Findings" is definitely still his best film, but this movie definitely helped us to come to an understanding of why. "Fateful Findings" has the most straightforward story while still being full of weird moments and deviations from the main story. It's Breen's "Mulholland Drive." His latest film "Pass Thru" is more like his "Inland Empire": It seems to have a plot but there are so many thrown in scenes that don't show a definite order that you have to piece together the background and why on your own.

Neil Breen, out of work bridge troll, plays "artificial intelligence from the future" who is currently slumming it in the desert, living in a shanty trailer and truck, and shooting up heroin when he isn't communicating with rock paintings and hanging out with a poorly CGI-ed tiger. Also in the desert are a bunch of immigrants with American accents who got mixed up in the heroin trade which is specifically given out to people like "the bankers," "the pimps," "the government officials," and "the CEO" (just the one). Neil lets one immigrant and her niece live in his dirty trailer and they all have some wacky hijinks that mostly involve throwing things. After a while, Neil decides he's going to do something about this messed up planet and decides to "disappear" anyone who has every harmed another. Ignoring the fact that this includes everyone, he first disappears the evil drug trade people and frees the American immigrants. Then he goes to a fancy party at a green screen mansion and kills everyone's vibe before blowing up the mansion in a beautifully crap CGI effect. His final act is to disappear the newscasters reporting on the disappearances and then to give an endless broadcast about what has been done, proving the Neil really should be on late night cable more than a film screen. In a really minor subplot, a bunch of kids who are into astronomy bring their scientist friend into the desert to look at some space phenomenon that clearly has to do with Neil's character but we aren't totally sure how. The film ends with Neil and the aunt walking through a sea of dead bodies which are actually just the same ten people duplicated over and over again.

This film hits a lot of the Breen standards, but it makes us a little worried that he's running out of ideas. Premise wise, this movie is quite similar to "I Am Here.... Now," but at least it still contains the expected weird dialogue, reused footage from different angles, bad acting, and nonsensical plot. In addition, this is truly some of the finest poor CGI we have ever seen.

Quotes:

Newscaster: "It's as if all the harmful people on the earth are disappearing!"

Rich Lady: "They don't need to know why or any reason."

Spoon Rating: 7.

The Unexpected Bar Mitzvah [2015]

[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]

Two households both alike in dignity, in fair South Dakota where we lay our scene, from ancient grudge break to new community, where everyone loves Jesus now so our sins are washed clean. 

Yes. It has finally happened. After weeks of trying to find it online, attempts to order it directly from the website it's sold on and finding that none of the links actually worked, and then finally setting on a fairly reasonable price on eBay, we have gotten it: "The Unexpected Bar Mitzvah." And this movie delivered. It was one of those perfectly bad movies where the production value is not terrible but still makes it look like a home movie with a decent camera, the acting is bad but the actors are really trying, and the script is just insane while trying to be as earnest as possible. Truely these are the elements of the best kind of bad movie: the movie that tries so, so hard to be good, but is off in every way. With this one you can also throw in a hefty dose of preachiness and anti-Semitism to really round out the film. Talking about it won't do it justice but here it goes.

A conservative Jewish stereotype dad takes a college professor job in South Dakota where his family must live next to his very Christian boss and his family. They both have sons (Abraham and Paul) of about the same age who love Tim Tebow and Harry Potter and they become friends. The Jewish father gives his son books on the Holocaust and talks to him about preparing for his Bar Mitzvah. The Christian father gives his son books about Jews who love Jesus and talks to him about doing missionary work in his own backyard *hint, hint*. After some brief discussion about Jesus with his friend, Abe states having dreams where Jesus essentially tells him that he needs to accept him as his savior and that Harry Potter is evil. He has three dreams that are shot in the exact same way as he discusses them with Paul and a neighborhood girl, Sarah. He also speaks in tongues. Paul starts wondering if his father's "Harry Potter is okay and speaking in tongues is weird" stance is backwards and he and Sarah go to research more conservative churches. Meanwhile, Abe talks to God. Seriously. We didn't think the movie would go there but it did. 

Abe decides to tell his father that he has accepted Jesus in one of the best scenes in film history. The father asks if it's a girl that has his mind occupied. He says it's a guy and the father has a gay scare. Then Abe clarifies that the guy is question is actually Jesus and his dad responds by tearing his shirt open and growling.

Abe's father sends him off to New York to be with his uncle and be in a more Jewish friendly environment in hopes that it will cure him of Jesus fever. Instead Abe drives away a rabbi, a "deprogramer," and heals his cousin's multiple sclerosis. They all convert to Abe's "Jew but with Jesus" ideology. Why anyone is still worshipping Jesus at this point when Abe is clearly the messiah is beyond me.

Abe's father and Christian dad argue about religion where Christian dad actually compares not believing Jesus is the messiah to not believing that the Holocaust happened as if one of these things is not 100% provable while the other is pure faith. Abe comes home having converted everyone and his mom and dad decide to read some literature about Jesus to try to understand their son. They walk away converts. Also, Paul convinces his dad to follow a stricter idea of the Bible. Now everyone loves Jesus and hates fun. Let's go to a Messianic church together! Also, Abe's cousin is here and being shipped with Paul! And Abe and Sarah are also being shipped because of their names! Ignore that it's creepy for parents to play matchmaker with their 12-year-olds! And let's have a bar mitzvah for everyone! "Hava Naglia" plays on repeat for eternity. We wonder why it took us three hours to watch a two hour movie and then realized it was because we stopped it so often to laugh or discuss the movie's various inaccuracies about Jewish people. If that isn't a sign of this movie's quality, then I guess you'll just have to pray to Yeshua for answers and hope he brought his megaphone to answer you with.

Quotes:
"It only takes one bad egg to ruin the egg salad."

"Think with your heart, not with your logic."

"What did your family do when you came out of the closet about Jesus?"

Spoon Rating: 7.5

Single Room Furnished [1968]

[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]

This movie is an experience. Not every movie we watch is an experience and not every movie described as an experience is necessarily a movie that's so bad it's worth watching. Although this movie rated below the "5 and up is worth watching" threshold, it's such an experience that it won't be a complete waste of time to watch it. It is odd in a way that I can only describe as a failed Tennessee Williams play: all the melodrama and none of the substance. On the Wikipedia page the movie is described like it's a drug deal: "The feature was Jayne Mansfield's final "filmed" starring role. . . The feature was released "legally" and "officially" in 1968." Why so many quotation marks, movie? What are you hiding?

This "movie" is initially introduced by a guy who really wants you, the audience, to know that this is Jayne Mansfield's last role and a dramatic role and that you should really like it or else you are shaming the ghost of Jayne Mansfield. We are then treated to an apartment set that is definitely not on a sound stage and a snippy teen fighting with her mom about being slutty and Italian. The teen then encounters the super of the building who tells her a series of stories all featuring this one woman's decline and how she kept trying to reinvent herself. First he tells her about the woman, then called Johnnie, and how she got married young to a guy who left her six months later to join the navy because his super hot friend is having such a good time there. If we were playing Tennessee Williams Bingo this is where you would mark off "gay subtext." Johnnie has a miscarriage and renames herself Mae. Then the super tells a story of the only happy couple to live in the building, Charlie and Flo, and we have to watch their intensely awkward courtship filled with fish smells and admitting they don't know anything (side note: no characters in this movie have any education). Charlie is friendly with Mae who got knocked up by a random drifter who gave her a fake name. He feels bad and spontaneously proposes to her before realizing what a stupid idea that is and marries Flo instead. Finally, in the present, Mae is now Eileen, a prostitute in a relationship with another navy guy who wants to marry her. In a fit that shows how mentally unstable they both are, he threatens to kill her but kills himself instead. Snippy teen gets perspective. Eileen continues to wallow in crazy.

This movie is clearly trying to teach something or at least get to the heart of the lives of regular people. If only the writer knew anything about how humans communicate. Aside from strange dialogue and the Home Depot sound stage set, the acting is peculiar (yes, Jayne too; my apologies to her ghost), and the direction is really strange. A lot of the time it's shot like a stage play but sometimes the camera will go off in a random direction while someone is talking.

Also, there's more than one room. And furnished is a generous word to use for most of them.

Quotes:
"Take your stinking boat and throw it in the ocean!"

"Where does he get off playing dollhouse with real life human dolls?"  

"The world smells like BEER."

Adam's Grandma's Review: "Strange."

Spoon Rating: 4